This song, written in the summer of 1990, has become one of my favorites from this time period. I was experimenting with different song themes and approaches, and for the most part I didn’t write in a narrative style. I wanted to come up with more of a ‘story’ song and had been contemplating the idea of sexual assault as a song theme for a while. I had some friends who had some very painful experiences and I was living with several women at the time, so I felt a bit attuned.
Yet I wanted to convey optimism in the end. Not to make light of a very scary and emotionally damaging experience, but to lift the veil of stigma and acknowledge how common the experience is. Hopefully, this sharing provides strength to those who have suffered.
Of course, in retrospect, there are tons of issues with the song. It’s far too long. The pre-chorus that comes back before the second verse in particular should be half as long or just left out completely. The fun I was having sequencing should have not led to a 60 second coda. Also, the character development is simplistic and binary and the story is a bit too tidy in the end.
That said, there’s some imagery I like. Fun things like ‘prowess’ instead of ‘powers’. The protagonist was built on a woman I had a crush on in those days who was always the center of attention. I always wondered what it would be like to be so confident and have things come so easily. I enjoy the way the protagonist ends up at the bar, just like the antagonist. I am also proud of the implication of the assault without having to describe any of it. I feel there is enough subtlety in the telling of the story to convey the confidence, anger, fear, and hopefully, redemption.
So, regardless of my criticism of my 20 year old self, here it is.
Fresh dress, walking style
No heads to turn but still they stare
She looks on straight, and prowess through
Intent, direct, devise, not try
It’s all for her, things open up
Shootin’ high, some heads to turn
He slumbers up, and staggers out
All see but choose to turn their heads
He goes from work to bar to bed
And almost always all alone
It’s none for him, clang shut stay out
Sittin’ low, diminished life
Helpless, feelings at night
Hopeful, thoughts strengthen life
Helpless, feelings at night
Hopeful, thoughts strengthen life
One seedy night, they walk about
Him with her, her not with him
Her eyes catch his, destructive gaze
Fear confusion through her mind
He saunters up, she crumbles down
None see or hear her no felt shout
She lies alone, in bed at night
With deep debilitating dreams
She wakens late, her heart a beat
With sweaty palms and tearful eyes
She goes from work to bar to bed
With sadden sentimental sighs
Helpless, feelings at night
Hopeful, thoughts strengthen life
Helpless, feelings at night
Hopeful, thoughts strengthen life
And then one day, a flash of light
Inspiration from inside
A public speech (“ladies and gentlemen”) on social plight (“I implore you”)
Painful stigma now revealed
A dream of hope, a job for life
It’s all that one alone can do
Helpless, feelings at night
Hopeful, thoughts strengthen life
Helpless, feelings at night
Hopeful, thoughts strengthen life
